Get your tissues out.

I stumble across blogs from all the stuff I like to read. Usually, I just scan them and go on, but today I fell upon one that was just heart wrenching. I guess it hits closer to home because my brother watched his baby die. And to this day, I can't talk about Johnathon without choking up, and changing the subject. I can casually mention him, but to actually have a conversation about him is still a no go, even 5 1/2 years later.

http://half12.blogspot.com/

A mom, Jessica, started blogging about her family in Jan. of 2008. She has two boys and twin little girls.

On July 20, 2008, Jessica found out that one of her twins, Tuesday, had cancer. They started treatment. She turned 2 in October.

On Dec. 17, 2008 her scans came back clean!

On Dec. 26, 2008 they found a new tumor and were back in the hospital for treatment.

On Jan. 22, 2009 scans showed 75% shrinkage.

On Jan. 28, 2009 the cancer had doubled in size in less than a week. It is now horribly aggressive, and no longer chemo sensitive.

On Jan. 29, 2009 they took Tuesday home.

She most likely won't last through the week.

Her brothers won't grow up with their sweet sister, and her twin sister, Piper, will lose a little part of herself.

When Johnathon died, I tortured myself. I would think, he would be "this" old now. (10) And then, Emma or Lily is at the very age that he died. (3 1/2) My girls are now living an age that he never saw. That one gets me every time. Putting them in his place, they wouldn't be here now. And then the tears roll down my face. Life without them is impossible. They are my everything. The reason Neil works so hard, the reason I get up in the morning. They are THE reason. For them to be no more, is unthinkable.

But, SO many people live through this unimaginable pain. The closest I came to this pain, is losing a pregnancy. That brought me to my knees. But, I never held my baby, never nursed him, never whispered how much I loved him in his ear. (or her) To lose a child I carried, even for such a sort time, was traumatizing, I can't even fathom how difficult it is to hold that child and then lose it.

Please say a prayer for this family! Only He can help them through their heart ache.